Customer Service Personnel Gifts

"The Sales Department suggests we teach Customer Service personnel how to assist customers without telling them where to go."

"Well, I wouldn't eat any of it."

'Akme sales' 'out for a spiel'

"No, everything isn't to my satisfaction. Some annoying bloke in a bow tie keeps interrupting my meal to ask if 'everything is to my satisfaction'."

"I couldn't order fast enough so they sent me to the end of the line."

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"I'm feeling completely wiped out."

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"You know, there are other emojis."

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

Direct Marketing...

'I'd like to return this, please.'

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"