Customer Support Staff Gifts

'Oh, so you want to get nasty? Well, two can play that game! Remember when I told you to have a nice day? I RETRACT IT! Oh, yes I can! I just DID!'

'Sorry, I'll have to transfer you directly to the individual who can help you. Our runaround team just went to lunch.'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Online form - Submit.

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

"You know, there are other emojis."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

Direct Marketing...

"I find it so stimulating to learn new software."

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

"Useless information"

'Rozlyn, that blouse is very cute! I think you should get it.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'