Customer Service Ninja Gifts

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

Direct Marketing...

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"I'll carve the wheels, you'll sell them, and Oog, here, can be customer service."

"Nihilistic customer service"

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

There now, that wasn't too difficult was it!

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

"Can I talk to someone who knows something?"

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"