Customer Service Ninja Pillows

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

Direct Marketing...

'I'd like to return this, please.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"I'll carve the wheels, you'll sell them, and Oog, here, can be customer service."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"Nihilistic customer service"

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."

There now, that wasn't too difficult was it!

Man from refuse department says: 'We'll send you a new wheelie bin, Mrs Trubshaw, there's really no need to 'orchestrate a mass Twitter campaign'.'

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

"Can I talk to someone who knows something?"