Customer Service Awareness Gifts

"Maybe next time you should pay the bill BEFORE you tell them you're giving the place a lousy online review!"

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

Direct Marketing...

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"Nihilistic customer service"

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"I'll carve the wheels, you'll sell them, and Oog, here, can be customer service."

Have you tried turning it off and on again?