Customer Service Gifts

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

Complaints and Gratitude.

'Thank you for holding - your call is important to us.'

"Fill out this survey and tell us how great we are and Randy won't follow you home."

"While your salesman checks with the manager, could I interest you in a dental exam?"

We find this model works better for us!

Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

"There, that's better" - customer focus.

"Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you."

"We've talked it over and we've decided that you must not really be a customer."

Smooth Operators - Customer Feedback.

'I have your file right here in front of me, Mr Simonson.'

Home Owner's Insurance Adjuster of the Year

Man at complaints window gets redirected to the next window.

Complaints/Revenge

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'The customer is King'

'I've had a chance to look over your policy and I'm afraid you're not covered.'

Consumer Complaints.

"Serving You Is Our # 1 Job!"

"Well your client feedback is very positive, 90% judged you excellent,5% exceptionally good and the remaining 5% want to have your children."

Sign at complaints booth: 'Ran out of excuses'

'Our customers just aren't getting the message, folks. We need to communicate LOUDER!'

'Unfortunately, it's fighting an uphill battle against our first name, which is 'Apathy.''

Help wanted - Better help wanted.

"...let me get back to you while I find out how important you are."

Our menu has changed. To hear this message again, press 1. To hang up, press 2.

'Oh, so you want to get nasty? Well, two can play that game! Remember when I told you to have a nice day? I RETRACT IT! Oh, yes I can! I just DID!'

"If you've got a complaint put it in writing!"

'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'

The competition's customer vs our customer.

"Your call is important to us, just not as important as whatever else we're doing."

"And I'm sure that as customers you'll be thrilled that as a result of tighter financial management we've measured a 0.3% improvement in12.7% of 12% of 6 of our most significant operational targets."

'We've changed our mind. We don't care any more!'