Customer Support Gifts

Internot - No broadband in your area.

"I thought you were supposed to be user-friendly!"

'Sorry, I can't talk to the customer. I'm preparing to go home in seven and a half hours.'

Then one day I mistakenly hit "reply all."

"O.K., God – please delete everything I said today."

Complaints.

'I've gone from spanning the globe at lightening speed to struggling with some techie's accent over a bad connection.'

Multitasking.

Catering Engineers Co.:Always Out When You Need Us

Spamicide

"Is that a finger?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Online form - Submit.

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"I'm feeling completely wiped out."

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

"You know, there are other emojis."