Customer Support Gifts

Internot - No broadband in your area.

"I thought you were supposed to be user-friendly!"

'Sorry, I can't talk to the customer. I'm preparing to go home in seven and a half hours.'

"O.K., God – please delete everything I said today."

Complaints.

'I've gone from spanning the globe at lightening speed to struggling with some techie's accent over a bad connection.'

Multitasking.

Catering Engineers Co.:Always Out When You Need Us

Spamicide

"Is that a finger?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Online form - Submit.

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"In the old days, we had to constantly feed the screensaver."

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"