Customer Support Representative Gifts

"I want to speak to your programmer."

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

Chicken Little on a video call. The Skype is falling! The Skype is falling!

'He's so gullible he still believes in technical support!'

'It's bound to go wrong. We made the final payment last week.'

"There's been a 27% cut in our customer empathy budget, so you'll have to tell them to sod off."

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Online form - Submit.

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"I'm feeling completely wiped out."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"You know, there are other emojis."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

Direct Marketing...

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"