Customer Service Representative Gifts

"When it comes to blowing leaves around uselessly and creating an insane amount of noise, this model can't be beat."

"One he gets them in a bear-hug, it's usually a done deal."

"She's asking if it's fresh-squeezed. Should I tell her to f**k off?"

Complaints and Gratitude.

'Thank you for holding - your call is important to us.'

"It's guaranteed for the life of the product which, obviously, ended when it broke."

"Fill out this survey and tell us how great we are and Randy won't follow you home."

"There is only one explanation..."

"I'm sorry – you have the wrong language."

"By the authority vested in me by Bloomingdale's, how may I help you?"

'I have a complaint about one of your window clerks.'

We find this model works better for us!

"Which brings us to my next point."

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

Sign reads: Customer service - Ring bell to be noticed.

"He's not in today. You can email, comment on his blog, tweet him, leave a voicemail or contact him on Facebook. I can't take a message. That's above my payscale."

"We've talked it over and we've decided that you must not really be a customer."

Smooth Operators - Customer Feedback.

Incontinence Hot Line - 'Please hold.'

'I have your file right here in front of me, Mr Simonson.'

"Hi..just ringing to see if you got my e-mail?"

'Have you tried Googling that?'

'I want a refund. They only shuffle.'

'There's never an option that reflects exactly what I want to say.'

Man at complaints window gets redirected to the next window.

Complaints/Revenge

'Oh, God I have to talk to a *****! Human!'

'With the aid of a technical dictionary Colin was finally able to make some sense of what the salesman was saying.'

Man covered in nails returning his nail gun to the store.

'The customer is King'

'... And this watch comes with lifetime warranty.'

How was your confusion experience?

"Serving You Is Our # 1 Job!"

'I've had a chance to look over your policy and I'm afraid you're not covered.'

Consumer Complaints.