Customer Service Experiences Gifts

City Bank

"Your call is important to us."

'He said he'd get right back to me, but I'm not holding my breath.'

'I was very careful with your wine shipment. I tossed it on your porch underhand.'

"I want an aisle seat in no smoking, lots of fresh air, proper maintenance, no cracks in the fuselage - and none of your frigging bug spray!"

Please continue to hold, but feel free to switch hands.

Customer Service. Take a Number. 23. Feel better now?

Complaints.

"...we didn't lose your luggage, we forgot to load it."

Information desk closed - out of information.

If you don't see what you want, we don't serve your kind here.

'This is the technical support. To become connected to a service agent, please press the root of 576081, divided by three, times one point seven, mins 429.1.'

'I said she might like it.'

Complaints Department

'As a matter-of-fact I didn't pack my own bags...Well,well, well...Speak of the devil!'

"It's the new store policy, sir - There's a ten-day waiting period for complaints."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

Direct Marketing...

'I'd like to return this, please.'

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'