Customer Service Improvement Gifts

Good Customer Service

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

Direct Marketing...

'I'd like to return this, please.'

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"Nihilistic customer service"

"I'll carve the wheels, you'll sell them, and Oog, here, can be customer service."

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

Man from refuse department says: 'We'll send you a new wheelie bin, Mrs Trubshaw, there's really no need to 'orchestrate a mass Twitter campaign'.'

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

"Can I talk to someone who knows something?"