Customer Satisfaction Officer Gifts

"I don't care about your various ailments. I'm the one who complains to you."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'Wow, are all these desserts for here, or are you going to stuff your faces in the privacy of your own home?'

"Great idea of yours to offer their money back if not satisfied."

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

'How would you like your toast?'

'It feels warm enough to me.'

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"Fresh-raked leaves?"

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

"Providing the kind of service the customer is paying for could be a serious hassle."

'My after-dinner mint was bigger than my steak.'

"Hey! You were that old sourpuss who worked at the motor vehicles department!"

Rent-a-Drama: "How many tweens will you need for your event?"

'Sorry to keep you waiting, sir.'

"For an extra charge, your flight can come with angst and insecurity."

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

'John, this is where you should declare your underlying love and tell Miriam she's the wind beneath your wings...'

No Cabin Crew Self Service.

"Nah, he doesn't need the Heimlich. I just don't like his tip."

"Sorry sir, I wasn't sure if you said check or stripe."

"It was a cold night, like tonight, back, I'd say, in 1954."

'Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.'

"I never watch the safety demo. If we crash, they'll just save me."

"You get free veggies when you order meatloaf -- We call it the 'peas dividend.'"