Customer Service Expert Gifts

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"Providing the kind of service the customer is paying for could be a serious hassle."

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

'Actually, they have a toll-free number on the back of the can for questions and comments. Got a pencil?'

"Would you like your milk in a bag?"

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Online form - Submit.

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"I'm feeling completely wiped out."

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"You know, there are other emojis."

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

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