Customer Satisfaction Officer Mugs

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

'How would you like your toast?'

'It feels warm enough to me.'

"Great idea of yours to offer their money back if not satisfied."

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

'Wow, are all these desserts for here, or are you going to stuff your faces in the privacy of your own home?'

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"Fresh-raked leaves?"

Rent-a-Drama: "How many tweens will you need for your event?"

"Providing the kind of service the customer is paying for could be a serious hassle."

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

'My after-dinner mint was bigger than my steak.'

'Sorry to keep you waiting, sir.'

"For an extra charge, your flight can come with angst and insecurity."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

'John, this is where you should declare your underlying love and tell Miriam she's the wind beneath your wings...'

No Cabin Crew Self Service.

"I never watch the safety demo. If we crash, they'll just save me."

'Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.'

He's allergic to pepper...

"You get free veggies when you order meatloaf -- We call it the 'peas dividend.'"

"Sorry sir, I wasn't sure if you said check or stripe."

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiters attention."

"Nah, he doesn't need the Heimlich. I just don't like his tip."