Customer Psychology Detective Gifts

'I don't get it...Our business model was exactly the same.'

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

Good morning, Boss. What're you going to do about it, Park? Are you just going to complain, or are you going to come up with an actionable plan. Complainers never do, Park, and doers never complain. I wasn't actually complaining. Our patrons buy 65% less cocoa on sunny days.

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."

"Miss Jenkins, e-mail the housekeeper. Her telecommuting days are over"

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

Jean, bring me everything we've got on gravity.

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

Hipster Police Department

'Miscellaneous' and 'Non-Miscellaneous' trays

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

'I see you've found a cure of the 'new car fever'.'

She's disappointed. Doctor Frankenstein's online dating profile simply says that he's a "body-builder."

"For once I'd like to go on a date where she made eye contact instead of iPhone contact."

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

"We need to talk about procrastination."

"Let's be honest here and admit we're targeting the 'stupid-with-their-money' demographic."

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

'You want to understand women?...I granted you a wish, not a miracle!'

"I can tell when you're just kissing me to get some of my lip balm, Josh."

"$68,000? You said that deceptive ad would cost me $23,000."

"He's either 'still water runs deep' or an oxygen-depleted dead zone."

Cheapskate b*****d told me he'd laid on a box for me to watch the races.

"Hola! Tia Carmen's psychic hotline! Can I tell you where your lousy cheating boyfriend is right now?"

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'

'Girls! I won't understand them if I live to be six.'