Customer Researcher Gifts

'Sure, I got a hobby -- punching out pollsters.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

'It's our own consumer confidence test. Throw some nickels out and if they're picked up in 5 minutes confidence is really low!'

European currency on the edge.

Economy - USA.

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

Manufacturing will take place in China...So what role does Europe have?...you borrow money to be the customer

Early Attempt at Quantitative Easing.

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

Annual Pollsters Convention. Wow, who could've predicted such a low turnout?

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

"Well, it could be the rising tide of consumer indifference to our company's latest product, or it might be the sink in the men's bathroom acting up again. We're still not sure."

'In a Washington economic summit, a panel of three economists offered two dozen opinions about the direction of global economics.'

'As you can see the market forecast is quite loopy in the next quarter.'

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

'We're losing the mid-morning market. Let's put a hamburger in a glazed donut and call it brunch.'

'The latest market research shows that men's neckware width is the most accurate indicator of market fluctuations.'

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

'Occupation? You name it, that's ME.'

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

'I'll take the one on the right.'