Marketing Researcher Gifts

'What do you mean, 'I don't know'? I haven't asked you anything yet.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'How fast can you hype?'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Apples for sale

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

Dressed for Success!

This Message Has No Content

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

CEO with SEO

'As our new company logo, I'm not quite sure it's sending out the right message.'