Customer Experience Professional Gifts

"Why don't you try THIS instead?"

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'How would you like your toast?'

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

'Wow, are all these desserts for here, or are you going to stuff your faces in the privacy of your own home?'

'It feels warm enough to me.'

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

'As a matter-of-fact I didn't pack my own bags...Well,well, well...Speak of the devil!'

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"Fresh-raked leaves?"

'The customers' suggestions make a lot of sense. I say, let's hire the customers and fire the staff!'

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

'My after-dinner mint was bigger than my steak.'

"Providing the kind of service the customer is paying for could be a serious hassle."

Rent-a-Drama: "How many tweens will you need for your event?"

"For an extra charge, your flight can come with angst and insecurity."

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

'Sorry to keep you waiting, sir.'

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

'John, this is where you should declare your underlying love and tell Miriam she's the wind beneath your wings...'

No Cabin Crew Self Service.

"You get free veggies when you order meatloaf -- We call it the 'peas dividend.'"

He's allergic to pepper...

"Sorry sir, I wasn't sure if you said check or stripe."

'Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.'