Custody Humorist Gifts

Divorce Attorney,

Therapy for babies.

'Click it or ticket.'

"Next year we put the cats outside before we hibernate."

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

"You have to let me make my own mistakes."

The Mafia Goes Green.

"Ahhh! Ha-ha! Exactly what I said when I was pulled over. Dipstick!"

"The big one dropped his weapon, but keep an eye on the little one. I think he's still armed."

"Let me take that for you."

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

". . . and that's the story of why you should find this defendant. . . GUILTY!"

Sweet Jailbreak

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

It looks like wood, but it's actually vinyl siding.

"Our surveillance indicates that Earthlings have a fear of right-angled triangles."

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'Hello, Mum!'

Rollercoaster police chase.

'...One of your drones is hanging around my bee hives.'

'Let this guy go. He's working under cover.'

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

One lobster has another in hand cuffs.

'The stupidity of the defendant's actions was directly proportional to the number of people watching him.'

Valentines for Real Estate

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

When Pyromaniacs Buy A Home: 'This is a great starter home.'

"Ladies and gentlemen, we can parse the nuances of motive forever, but isn't it much more satisfying just to deal with broad stereotypes?"

Cuffwear, 2004

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.