Custody Humorist Gifts

Therapy for babies.

'Click it or ticket.'

"Next year we put the cats outside before we hibernate."

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

"You have to let me make my own mistakes."

The Mafia Goes Green.

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

"Ahhh! Ha-ha! Exactly what I said when I was pulled over. Dipstick!"

"The big one dropped his weapon, but keep an eye on the little one. I think he's still armed."

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

Sweet Jailbreak

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

"Our surveillance indicates that Earthlings have a fear of right-angled triangles."

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

'The stupidity of the defendant's actions was directly proportional to the number of people watching him.'

'...One of your drones is hanging around my bee hives.'

One lobster has another in hand cuffs.

'Hello, Mum!'

Rollercoaster police chase.

'Let this guy go. He's working under cover.'

Valentines for Real Estate

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

"Ladies and gentlemen, we can parse the nuances of motive forever, but isn't it much more satisfying just to deal with broad stereotypes?"

Cuffwear, 2004

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.