Curriculum Vitae Kid Gifts

"This is your portfolio. Fill it."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

'You can't blame the kids for being restless when we have math teachers teaching French, and English teachers teaching science.'

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

"Your resume is full of half-truths, sophistry, and thinly veiled lies. You'll be a real asset to this campaign."

"Thank you for 30 years of teaching service. Now you have 5 minutes to turn in your keys, I.D. card, empty your desk and be escorted out."

'That's o.k., Dugan - 'why do I even bother?' was a rhetorical question.'

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

"In your CV under 'experience' all you've written is 'YIPEE!'."

'Very impressive, but is there anything you can't do?'

'Well, what about the two month gap in my reume? I fell into my sofa at home.'

'My tutor kindly agreed to help!'

"Under 'salary desired', could you be more specific than 'obscene'?"

'How come you're always trying to teach me things I don't want to know.'

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

"We should have more physics in the biology and chemistry curricula."

"What is the battle cry for homeschoolers?" Kids: "Go Home!"

Phrenology head filled with National Curriculum instead of real knowledge.

Conservative Curriculum

'How about, 'I am dynamic and results driven.'?' - 'It needs more 'pizazz', more 'sizzle'!' - 'What about, 'I am a dynamic, results driven, innovative, highly motivated team player.'' - 'Almost perfect...' - '...just swap 'team player' for 'chubby little

"Are you concerned about the increase in artificial intelligence?"

"How about starting on the Cs?"

'According to your resume, you multitask at the four person level. Here, our minimum starts at five.'

'My instincts and intuitions are on opposing sides on this schedule.'

School with math class, black math and gay math.

"First day of school and you've already got problem students?"

'Well, I am only human!' (Human Resources)

"Why wasn't the Tulsa Black Wall Street Massacre in the U.S. history books?"

'Teaching reading, writing, and arithmetic sounds like a good idea. Let me run it by an educational focus group.'

'I look forward to my first year as a teacher. I wrote lesson plans, attended in-service workshops, and decorated my classroom. Preparation is half the victory. It's the other half that scares me.'

'I think I use the Internet too much. I find myself writing 'com' after each period.'

'I don't have a traditional resume, but I do have this DVD featuring me in a number of amusing office bloopers from my previous job.'

'The great tree of knowledge in his discipline was just pulled out by the roots.'