Curriculum Gifts

'Okay kids, this is the new timetable.'

"I wish they'd educate us with something besides school."

"So, what did you do at charter school today?"

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

Spring To Do List: Teach, Testing, Testing,Test Some More. . .

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

'You can't blame the kids for being restless when we have math teachers teaching French, and English teachers teaching science.'

"So basically you're telling us that you make the youngest of your species sit in a room for twelves years and that is an education. . . you're kidding, right?"

"History test? But I studied all night for a math test!"

'That's o.k., Dugan - 'why do I even bother?' was a rhetorical question.'

'I was going to teach them the meaning of life ... but it wasn't on the test.'

"Thank you for 30 years of teaching service. Now you have 5 minutes to turn in your keys, I.D. card, empty your desk and be escorted out."

End school zone. Start unschool zone.

'A restaurateur prepares macaroni and sells it as pasta. I want you to do the same for the educational program at your school.'

"I said 'I quit'. Nobody listens to me any more."

'You must be the new hire. Welcome aboard. Here's our prepackaged curriculum. If time permits, encourage critical thinking.'

"Should I refer to it as 'Common Core'?"

'A hidden cost of implementing common core standards in education...'

'You might not know it now but I used to have some great lesson plans.'

'Take this back to the committee. Since this is a school I would like the mission statement to mention education.'

'How come you're always trying to teach me things I don't want to know.'

'Today I have dumbed-down philosophy, followed by dumbed-down chemistry and dumbed-down English lit.'

Conservative Curriculum

Phrenology head filled with National Curriculum instead of real knowledge.

"For the next few hours, I'll be bringing you info with no tainment."

'In our advanced technology course, we teach you how to use the latest in consumer products no matter how fast they come out.'

Teachers Lounge. That's funny -- I was sure the "No Child Left Behind" act would cover field trips.

"What is the battle cry for homeschoolers?" Kids: "Go Home!"

"We should have more physics in the biology and chemistry curricula."

"Are you concerned about the increase in artificial intelligence?"

"Our curriculum focusses less on rote memorization and more on putzing around."

School with math class, black math and gay math.

"It's frustrating! I try to teach the class the next lesson, but I spend a lot of time trying to catch up those students who've been absent for several days!"

"Why wasn't the Tulsa Black Wall Street Massacre in the U.S. history books?"