Curriculum Creator Gifts

'I look forward to my first year as a teacher. I wrote lesson plans, attended in-service workshops, and decorated my classroom. Preparation is half the victory. It's the other half that scares me.'

'I think I use the Internet too much. I find myself writing 'com' after each period.'

'How come you're always trying to teach me things I don't want to know.'

'That's o.k., Dugan - 'why do I even bother?' was a rhetorical question.'

'Home Schooling'

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

"We thought this was more realistic."

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

Spring To Do List: Teach, Testing, Testing,Test Some More. . .

'You can't blame the kids for being restless when we have math teachers teaching French, and English teachers teaching science.'

'This is going really well. I did a great job organizing this lecture.'

"Tell me again how many young minds I will have shaped by the end of my teaching career."

"So basically you're telling us that you make the youngest of your species sit in a room for twelves years and that is an education. . . you're kidding, right?"

'I was going to teach them the meaning of life ... but it wasn't on the test.'

'A restaurateur prepares macaroni and sells it as pasta. I want you to do the same for the educational program at your school.'

"Thank you for 30 years of teaching service. Now you have 5 minutes to turn in your keys, I.D. card, empty your desk and be escorted out."

Kate's first task as new principal was to right a number of wrongs.

"I said 'I quit'. Nobody listens to me any more."

'You must be the new hire. Welcome aboard. Here's our prepackaged curriculum. If time permits, encourage critical thinking.'

'Your student Clara has tested as Talented and Gifted. But only in metal sculpting. You'll need to start incorporating metal sculpting into your daily lesson plans starting...tomorrow.'

"Should I refer to it as 'Common Core'?"

'A hidden cost of implementing common core standards in education...'

'Take this back to the committee. Since this is a school I would like the mission statement to mention education.'

'You might not know it now but I used to have some great lesson plans.'

"For the next few hours, I'll be bringing you info with no tainment."

'In our advanced technology course, we teach you how to use the latest in consumer products no matter how fast they come out.'

"What is the battle cry for homeschoolers?" Kids: "Go Home!"

Teachers Lounge. That's funny -- I was sure the "No Child Left Behind" act would cover field trips.

"We should have more physics in the biology and chemistry curricula."

'Today I have dumbed-down philosophy, followed by dumbed-down chemistry and dumbed-down English lit.'

Phrenology head filled with National Curriculum instead of real knowledge.

Conservative Curriculum

"Are you concerned about the increase in artificial intelligence?"

'...And, to expand our food animal practice curriculum,...

"Our curriculum focusses less on rote memorization and more on putzing around."