Curriculum Designer Gifts

"Hmm...I think we can include the drug awareness program, the anti-bullying initiative, sex-ed instruction and values awareness, but we're going to have to cut math, reading and science."

'Teaching reading, writing, and arithmetic sounds like a good idea. Let me run it by an educational focus group.'

'My fortune says 'A teacher's warmth makes the best curriculum so much better'.'

American and European Styles of Teaching

'What we teach and how we teach it!'

'You can't blame the kids for being restless when we have math teachers teaching French, and English teachers teaching science.'

School with math class, black math and gay math.

"We should have more physics in the biology and chemistry curricula."

'Home Schooling'

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

Spring To Do List: Teach, Testing, Testing,Test Some More. . .

"So basically you're telling us that you make the youngest of your species sit in a room for twelves years and that is an education. . . you're kidding, right?"

'That's o.k., Dugan - 'why do I even bother?' was a rhetorical question.'

'A restaurateur prepares macaroni and sells it as pasta. I want you to do the same for the educational program at your school.'

"Thank you for 30 years of teaching service. Now you have 5 minutes to turn in your keys, I.D. card, empty your desk and be escorted out."

'I was going to teach them the meaning of life ... but it wasn't on the test.'

"I said 'I quit'. Nobody listens to me any more."

'You must be the new hire. Welcome aboard. Here's our prepackaged curriculum. If time permits, encourage critical thinking.'

'Your student Clara has tested as Talented and Gifted. But only in metal sculpting. You'll need to start incorporating metal sculpting into your daily lesson plans starting...tomorrow.'

"Should I refer to it as 'Common Core'?"

'A hidden cost of implementing common core standards in education...'

'You might not know it now but I used to have some great lesson plans.'

'How come you're always trying to teach me things I don't want to know.'

'Take this back to the committee. Since this is a school I would like the mission statement to mention education.'

"What is the battle cry for homeschoolers?" Kids: "Go Home!"

'In our advanced technology course, we teach you how to use the latest in consumer products no matter how fast they come out.'

'Today I have dumbed-down philosophy, followed by dumbed-down chemistry and dumbed-down English lit.'

Phrenology head filled with National Curriculum instead of real knowledge.

"For the next few hours, I'll be bringing you info with no tainment."

Conservative Curriculum

Teachers Lounge. That's funny -- I was sure the "No Child Left Behind" act would cover field trips.

"Are you concerned about the increase in artificial intelligence?"

"Our curriculum focusses less on rote memorization and more on putzing around."

Teacher Shortage/Brain Shortage