Curriculum Vitae Collector Gifts

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

DVD extras - the making of the boxed set.

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

'I hope this DVD has some worthwhile in-front-of-the-scenes content.'

"I picked up an exorcize DVD by mistake."

"I've been an accountant, an actuary, an advertising exec, an administrator, an architect, an art director, and an auditor, and now I'd like to move on to the B's."

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

"Arr! Why is the quality of all me DVDs so crappy?"

'Very impressive, but is there anything you can't do?'

'Can I have a refund if she puts the weight back on.'

'I perched on Blackbeard's shoulder for three years, then went to work for Long-John Silver...'

"Under 'salary desired', could you be more specific than 'obscene'?"

Misery lit...

'I traded a motherboard for three DVD's. They were bogus, so I tossed them out the window....'

HR worker wading through CV's.

Constitution of the United States (First Draft)

'How could a man who seduced a hundred and thirty-two women find the time to write a twelve-volume memoir?'

"I've seen every goddam film ever made...twice! What the hell am I supposed to do now??"

A DVD bonus feature – the actor's commentary

'Fancy watching a DVD? I got the shrinkwrap off.'

"I know you went to Harvard, but stop asking to see my resume."

"All staff are equal...but some are more equal than others!"

'Remember that DVD you bought, 'Ten Steps To Organizing Your Finances' ...step one bounced.'

Easter Bunny watching 'Dye Hard.'

'Whatever you had in there. . . I think it's called 'deleted scenes'.'

"Tell me about the bar codes and sales prices on the back of your certification diplomas."

"How about starting on the Cs?"

"Do you have any other strengths?"

'Well, I am only human!' (Human Resources)