Current Events Jokers Gifts

"Ah, the Trump blimp is destroying the New York Times building. Must be Tuesday."

Photobooth Photobomb

'In a slight change to the programme, the second year jazz quartet aren't playing 'Hello Dolly'. They are however playing truant!'

'When did the treadmill replace the rat race?'

"At least you made it into the hallway."

'Now, for the lighter side of the news'

"But he's way more fun than the rubber ducky."

'And make sure you use the AUTOMATED teller, you old goat!'

"This is called silent tennis? It's like regular tennis without the racket."

Sticker: 'How's my driving you nuts?'

Four Seasons Total Landscaping

"The sky is falling - I just heard it from a very reliable source!"

Kim Jong Un Riding Nuclear Missile

Gift Suggestions for Post-Diamond Wedding Anniversaries

'Well, they certainly caught you kipping!'

'I think I'll walk to work today.'

'Ahmadinejad strikes me as the kind of man Jay Leno makes jokes about...'

"... Yes. And I'm wearing a mask, so what's the problem?!"

"I couldn't afford the gas for my car, so I robbed a bank but the police caught me because my car was out of gas."

Excerpts from the Comey memos

"I'm not ready for a big commitment. Could I just pal around with a sidewalk a little?"

Death Goes For A Jog

Literal Following of Directions: RUN

"I hate my gym."

'Will your stocks recover soon? How refreshing, sir - you still have a sense of humour.'

Dog with recurring nightmare.

Learn Russian in 2 Weeks!

'Timeout! Someone poke Leonard. I don't know if he's dead or just resting between pitches.'

"Can you make my vision a little worse? I don't like what I see in the world today."