Curmudgeon Enthusiast Gifts

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

Football Crazy strip six

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

How lazy people decide what to eat

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

"This tea isn't helping – I'm taking a gummy."

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

Mum! What's for dessert?! - 'Yoghurt!' - 'Vanilla?' - 'Peach Melba.' - 'Don't call childline, don't call childline, don't call childline, don't call childline.' - '' -

"Rob is a functioning train wreck."

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

'Ah, Garbanzo, truly you are a noble bean.'

"Something nocturnal."

'I know we had some good time together, Muriel, but a permanent relationship is out.'

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

"I can't help you with your chronic whistling. You don't need a psychiatrist, you need a musicologist!"

'He eats his yogurt and carrot sticks out of a grease-stained brown bag to preserve his macho image.'

Who needs Facebook friends when you've got billions of friendly gut bacteria?

Robinson le Creusot

I HATE STUFF

"The inspector's not getting older. He's getting odder."

"Care to try the dip? It's posthummus."

Circus News

Uncle Murray Weekly

Square peg in a round hole: 'I say if it feels right, do it.'

"Thanks goodness, I thought she was pregnant?"

"Honey, I can’t find it … they have too many Greek yogurts. No, I’m not crying!"

'Your generation should be more like that yogurt you eat. At lease that culture's active.'

Yogurt, of course, is highly cultured.

Wild life liberation front take 'live yoghurt' from shop.

"Hello. This is the old man across the street. Get off my lawn!"

Victorian Children's Party