Curmudgeon Fan Gifts

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

"Hello. This is the old man across the street. Get off my lawn!"

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

"Now you can send it."

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

The crew can no longer tolerate Captain Bligh's ruthless splitting of infinitives."

'I know we had some good time together, Muriel, but a permanent relationship is out.'

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

'You've been approved. As collateral, we'll be holding your nuts.'

Saving for Winter.

I HATE STUFF

"Can we cut across the park and avoid Colony Lane? There are three squirrels in an oak tree I’d like to avoid."

Uncle Murray Weekly

Victorian Children's Party

"Even your sleep is curmudgeonly."

'I see your Alan's got his Christmas face on again.'

'I'm not here!'

'Sunnyside down.'

"Working with the elderly can be challenging... They can be bad tempered and curmudgeonly. I never ask him for anything until he's had his nap!"

'Society of hermits'

The Post Of Christmas Present

"Working with older people is part of the job!"

"Casual cursewear? Right, this way."

'Your father refuses to get a job. He lives by the motto, 'If we're broke, don't fix it.''

"Another p**s and vinegar?"

Desk Bins of a Curmudgeon.

"Hello. This is Dial-a-Grump. What the hell do you want?"

"Have you got anything for a miserable old bastard who hates Christmas and everything to do with it?"

Making executive ordure