Curmudgeon Fan Gifts

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

"Hello. This is the old man across the street. Get off my lawn!"

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

"Now you can send it."

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

The crew can no longer tolerate Captain Bligh's ruthless splitting of infinitives."

'I know we had some good time together, Muriel, but a permanent relationship is out.'

'Why don't you change it to sports or cartoons or something? -- You know CNN just depresses you.'

I hope Bernie Sanders wins. We've never had a president like him. We've had cool presidents, awkward presidents, dignified presidents, goofy presidents

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

'You've been approved. As collateral, we'll be holding your nuts.'

Saving for Winter.

Uncle Murray Weekly

"Can we cut across the park and avoid Colony Lane? There are three squirrels in an oak tree I’d like to avoid."

I HATE STUFF

Thank you! That paper almost hit me in the head. The old saying is true ... Good fencers make good neighbors!

Victorian Children's Party

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I'm 66 years old: and I going to be as crabby as you? - Rolf. *Actual reader letter. Rolf, this is really a sad, unfortunate letter. It seems unlikely you can ever achieve any reasonable level of crabby if you're the kind of loser to send such a whiny question. Great crabs are born, not made! Guy probably won't even make a decent curmudgeon. Not sure that's what he's hoping for.

'I'm not here!'

'I see your Alan's got his Christmas face on again.'

"Even your sleep is curmudgeonly."

'Sunnyside down.'

"Working with the elderly can be challenging... They can be bad tempered and curmudgeonly. I never ask him for anything until he's had his nap!"

'Society of hermits'

The Post Of Christmas Present

"Another p**s and vinegar?"

'Your father refuses to get a job. He lives by the motto, 'If we're broke, don't fix it.''

"Casual cursewear? Right, this way."

"Working with older people is part of the job!"

Desk Bins of a Curmudgeon.

"Hello. This is Dial-a-Grump. What the hell do you want?"

Curmudgeon Man

"Have you got anything for a miserable old bastard who hates Christmas and everything to do with it?"