Culinary Satire Seeker Gifts

"He said his name was Joseph when he told us he'd be our waiter this evening."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

Arabic Thief Salad - lashings of whipped cream...

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'People soup again?'

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

'This is not Hungarian stew. Sorry, the butcher ran out of Hungarians.'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

"Never mind the cost of living crisis, dear, you still need your 5-a-day."

"He's Britains most eligible Spatula."

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

Commie Chef.

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

The 60 Hour Gourmet Recipe For People Who Have Time To Spare And Then Some.

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

Waitrose Vegan Burgers