Culinary Satire Seeker Pillows

"He said his name was Joseph when he told us he'd be our waiter this evening."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

Arabic Thief Salad - lashings of whipped cream...

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

'People soup again?'

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

'This is not Hungarian stew. Sorry, the butcher ran out of Hungarians.'

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

"He's Britains most eligible Spatula."

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

Commie Chef.

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

The 60 Hour Gourmet Recipe For People Who Have Time To Spare And Then Some.

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."