Culinary Humor Seeker Pillows

"What am I, chopped liver?"

'This evening's specials include 72-month financing on the filet mignon.'

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'The Burrito King.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

A Club Sandwitch.

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

Garlic Free Zone.

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"