Explorer Of Culinary Humor Pillows

Pet-A-Manger

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'The Burrito King.'

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

A Club Sandwitch.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

Garlic Free Zone.

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

Lockdown casserole

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"