Culinary Elitist T-Shirts

"Sorry, sir. But if you can't pronounce it, you can't have it."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

View to the Future

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

Too much cilantro

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Is the MSG local?"

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

Countervailing Clichés.

The Origins of Everything

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

'10,000 years and no one's improved on the idea of meat on a stick!'

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

Happy hour.