Culinary Classicist T-Shirts

'10,000 years and no one's improved on the idea of meat on a stick!'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

View to the Future

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

Too much cilantro

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Is the MSG local?"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

The Origins of Everything

Grandma's caf

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Countervailing Clichés.

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

Quartet of chefs.

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

Happy hour.

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"