Culinary Classicist Gifts

'10,000 years and no one's improved on the idea of meat on a stick!'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

View to the Future

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

"Is the MSG local?"

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Too much cilantro

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Countervailing Clichés.

The Origins of Everything

Grandma's caf

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

Quartet of chefs.

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"