Culinary Elitist Pillows

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

View to the Future

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

Too much cilantro

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Is the MSG local?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

The Origins of Everything

Countervailing Clichés.

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

'10,000 years and no one's improved on the idea of meat on a stick!'

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

Happy hour.

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"