Culinary Dogs Gifts

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

"We need to put in more bones."

Dog Chow Mein

"For what he is about to receive may the dog be truly thankful."

Homemade dog biscuits.

"You're spoiling that dog again!"

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

Recipes.

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

"So, what's it to be, chicken unfit for human consumption, or beef unfit for human consumption?"

'You're lucky you can't read.'

"Let's see . . . I detect beef . . . peas . . . and a subtle hint of sweet potato!"

'I don't care if top breeders do recommend it - I am not going to eat dog food!'

'Sure, it's a nice buffet, but I can't help thinking it's a bit morbid...'

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

John envied his friends who worked at the local chocolate company

"That tasted like s**t. We'll have another order of it."

Dog Food: Lick & Collect

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'Rubber pork chops. Excellent choice, Sir. With or without squeakers?'

"I've got a complaint about the table scraps you are feeding me...cut down on the fatty tissues...I'm gaining weight!"

"Your 'presentation' could use some work."

"I think I'll go for the Barf Bits du Jour."

"I need some assistance here."

"Some dehydrated corn and bone meal for the gentleman, perhaps?"

'See what happens when you let him cook.'

'It's the Animal Welfare people about you feeding leftovers to the dog!'

"Oh, come on, Honey, he's a dog...he's not gonna notice that we gave him cheaper dog food!"