Culinary Comic Relief Pillows

"Will you all please bow your heads for the reading of the menu."

Waiter watering down wine

"Apologies, monsieur, frogs legs are off the menu."

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

'Would that be rare, or medium rare?'

"How do you want your steak...here or in the kitchen?"

'I thought too many cooks spoiled the broth.'

"Waiter! Waiter! There's no flies in my soup!"

Self-basting

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

Night of the Latkes

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

Thou Shalt Not!

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

F&E Diner. Beer. Wine. This wine paralyzes the taste buds --- It goes with anything!

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

Onion operation.

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'