Culinary Comic Appreciator Gifts

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

'You caught 'em. You clean 'em.'

'Something's wrong. The hot-cakes aren't selling.'

"Now you've finished your desserts, can I interest you in some chewing gum?"

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Night of the Latkes

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Thou Shalt Not!

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

F&E Diner. Beer. Wine. This wine paralyzes the taste buds --- It goes with anything!

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

Amy Sedaris

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

Onion operation.

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

Bottomless bowl of soup

"I want to apologise for calling this meeting on such short notice."

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

Papa's Pizza delivered in under 30 minutes.

"Let's take this one step at a time. First, somebody is going to have to catch the fish."

"Your fish ... I'm sorry, but there will be a slight delay."

'Roast chickens £4. Pensioners £3.'