Culinary Comic Appreciator T-Shirts

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

'You caught 'em. You clean 'em.'

'Something's wrong. The hot-cakes aren't selling.'

"Now you've finished your desserts, can I interest you in some chewing gum?"

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Night of the Latkes

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Thou Shalt Not!

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

Onion operation.

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

Amy Sedaris

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

Bottomless bowl of soup

"I want to apologise for calling this meeting on such short notice."

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

Papa's Pizza delivered in under 30 minutes.

"Let's take this one step at a time. First, somebody is going to have to catch the fish."

"Your fish ... I'm sorry, but there will be a slight delay."

"What fly?"

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

"Is the slop fresh?"

'Roast chickens £4. Pensioners £3.'