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I asked Lance if he's into Pilates. He said yes, which I found surprising but encouraging. Then he went on to say that he liked his Pilates with butter, parsley and sour cream, and I realized that he was confusing Pilates with pierogies.

'Sorry, but none of our entrees are available for takeout.'

"I can't make it,I've got too much on my plate."

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

Night of the Latkes

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

Thou Shalt Not!

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

F&E Diner. Beer. Wine. This wine paralyzes the taste buds --- It goes with anything!

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

Onion operation.

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

Amy Sedaris

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

Bottomless bowl of soup

"I want to apologise for calling this meeting on such short notice."

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

'You caught 'em. You clean 'em.'

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

Papa's Pizza delivered in under 30 minutes.

"Let's take this one step at a time. First, somebody is going to have to catch the fish."

"Your fish ... I'm sorry, but there will be a slight delay."

'Roast chickens £4. Pensioners £3.'