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"Ooooh! This recipe sounds nice... Hard Boiled Detective!!"

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Night of the Latkes

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Thou Shalt Not!

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

Onion operation.

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

Amy Sedaris

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

Bottomless bowl of soup

"I want to apologise for calling this meeting on such short notice."

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

Papa's Pizza delivered in under 30 minutes.

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

"Let's take this one step at a time. First, somebody is going to have to catch the fish."

"Your fish ... I'm sorry, but there will be a slight delay."

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

"Is the slop fresh?"

'Roast chickens £4. Pensioners £3.'

"What fly?"

'Mine was stone cold.'