Culinary Comic Lovers Gifts

'Sorry, but none of our entrees are available for takeout.'

"I can't make it,I've got too much on my plate."

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Night of the Latkes

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Thou Shalt Not!

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

Onion operation.

Amy Sedaris

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

Bottomless bowl of soup

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

"I want to apologise for calling this meeting on such short notice."

'You caught 'em. You clean 'em.'

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

Papa's Pizza delivered in under 30 minutes.

"Let's take this one step at a time. First, somebody is going to have to catch the fish."

"Your fish ... I'm sorry, but there will be a slight delay."

"Is the slop fresh?"

'Mine was stone cold.'

'Roast chickens £4. Pensioners £3.'

"What fly?"