Culinary Comedy Appreciator T-Shirts

"Of course our GM vegetables are safe, Madam, they told us so themselves!"

'Your fingers are in the soup.' 'Yes it's freezing in the kitchen.'

'Of course the steak's TOUGH-yer won't get cissy nosh in 'ere,chum!'

'The thought of your biscuits brings a lump to my throat.'

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Sick wife teaches husband to use can-opener

"I think the pepper's supposed to be ground before you put it on my food."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Your French dip, sir.'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"States of tofu"

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

6 Brothers Falafel

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Chez Nous Menu

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

Wok. Don't Wok.

Cookbooks

"Would you like some wings?"

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Wife: 'Ah, honey.....why are you covered in raw fish and rice?' Husband: 'Oh I was running late for the 6:15 and got on a darn sush train by mistake!'

"Ninja bread men"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."