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Osteo-pierogies

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

Night of the Latkes

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

Thou Shalt Not!

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

F&E Diner. Beer. Wine. This wine paralyzes the taste buds --- It goes with anything!

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

Amy Sedaris

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

Onion operation.

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

Bottomless bowl of soup

"I want to apologise for calling this meeting on such short notice."

Papa's Pizza delivered in under 30 minutes.

'You caught 'em. You clean 'em.'

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

"Let's take this one step at a time. First, somebody is going to have to catch the fish."

"Your fish ... I'm sorry, but there will be a slight delay."