Cryptic Humor Enthusiast Gifts

Misunderstood artist

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

Trappist Monk Discord

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

'What does it say, Dad?'

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

HELLth Food Sprouts

Armed dogs wait for hot dog vendor.

'If I believed in aptitude tests I'd still be washing cars in Accrington,.'

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

Jars containing a Brain and a Brain Fart.

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

Ask A Silly Question.

The Frankenstein snowman.

Crime in bookshop

Men Working Things Out

Clone Factory

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

"I hope he's wearing pants."

'The meat of their order is coming up.'

Tasty.

"Inactivists"