Cryptic Humor Enthusiast Gifts

Misunderstood artist

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

Trappist Monk Discord

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

'What does it say, Dad?'

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

HELLth Food Sprouts

'If I believed in aptitude tests I'd still be washing cars in Accrington,.'

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

Armed dogs wait for hot dog vendor.

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

Crime in bookshop

Ask A Silly Question.

The Frankenstein snowman.

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

Men Working Things Out

Clone Factory

"Wow! Check out the moon."

"Inactivists"

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

'Remember, repeated failure... is no guarantee of eventual success!'

Tasty.