Crutch Collector Gifts

Three legged crutch for a three legged man

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Handbag store - "Perfect."

"This new chair has the smoothest 360 swivel action on the market!"

'Since laughter is the best medicine, I have a joke, Hee, Hee, Haw,Ha!...that could simply wipe out your Infectious Mononucleosis!'

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"If it's got my ass on it, it's befitting of royalty."

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

'You know, there's no need to reinvent the rock.'

"Just what is a runcible spoon?"

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know the drill.'

Al's Farm Equipment: Our Prices Can't Be Beat!

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

Utility Chic.

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

'Would it have killed you to go with a store-bought model?'

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

"So unfortunately, I have to make some more cuts."

"This one seems perfect, but do you have it in red?"

'It's my latest invention -- I cal lit 'a rock tied to a stick.''

'It's a spork!'

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."

A Fork-lift.

'We thought you'd like music during your building inspection.'

The Black Hole the National Observatory just discovered, where temporarily misplaced tools and parts go.

'I don't know what happened. One minute she's spooning me. The next minute I'm knifing her.'

"I guess I always wanted to be an electrician. As a little boy, I ran away to join the circuits."

Jar Wars: 'Use the forks Luke... Use the forks!'

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 2

"Our cautions to the wind dear?.. I said let's throw our CAUTIONS to the wind."

"If, in the future, you're unclear about what I need you to gather when I say nuts ..."

The evolution of a woman's purse.

"For only five dollars more, the guy let me have the 'Smart Hammer.'"

"This isn't for me - it's for the economy."