Cluck Collector Gifts

Wall Cluck.

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

Servicemen.

"The cat told me to eat your homework."

Dead Funny

Happy.

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

'Since laughter is the best medicine, I have a joke, Hee, Hee, Haw,Ha!...that could simply wipe out your Infectious Mononucleosis!'

Armed forces waiting with nothing to do.

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

The Devil's in the detail!

"Pinpoint havoc, gentlemen, accuracy of mayhem. And yet our dress blues remain crisp and sharp, our hands soft and pink."

'Here's the good news. 'Happy camper' and 'are we having fun yet' have been added to the official list of banned cliches.'

'Trains traditionally run late, it rains on bank holidays and Yorkshire pudding is a main course.'

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

A Rifle Competition in the North

"You're right. They do taste funny."

"Yeah, our garden is always a mess: We can't stop ourselves foraging for worms..."

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

"Yeah, this many ways to contact her if I'm lost might be overkill."

Good stripper cop / Bad stripper cop

Count Von Moltke.

'Dog got your clog?'

'Lookout, here comes another boatload of cartoonists.'

'Too many cliches? Now hold your horses!'

"There are far too many balls in your court, Brintner!"

'Reserved' (presumably for little miss muffet)

"There is such a thing as a free lunch-it just tastes bad."

Clown looks nervously at Grim Reaper eating a banana next to him.

"Herewith, we recommend the following: when you're up to your rear in alligators, it's worth remembering your original purpose was to drain the swamp...."

'Our limo's here.'