Chair Collector Gifts

'There's only one chair. It's about to get ugly ladies.'

False alarm; chair salesman

"If it's got my ass on it, it's befitting of royalty."

'All uncomfortable chairs become antiques. The comfortable ones were worn out a long time ago.'

"Don't worry, it's her birthday present."

"This one seems perfect, but do you have it in red?"

"This new chair has the smoothest 360 swivel action on the market!"

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Handbag store - "Perfect."

He won't sit, but he heels well.

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"And now. . . which shoes?"

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

Robot Jogger

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

"Do you buy cars here?"

'It seats two comfortably.'

"It's the only way I can justify buying so many shoes."

Shoes Make The Man

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"Attention, everyone! I'd like to introduce the newest member of our family."

"Do you smell something?"

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

'God's speed.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

"Would you like to try them out?"

'I want a refund. They only shuffle.'

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'Best to keep downwind.'

Utility Chic.