Cruise Lover Gifts

'Good morning, and welcome to Sunshine Cruise Line's 14-day weight-loss cruise.'

"Don't panic - just a temporary crash floe problem."

'For heaven's sake; Mrs Van Rensselaer, let go!'

'Hi Dad. How's it going?' - 'Cruise? What cruise?! You've just been on a cruise!!!' - 'Gah! My beautiful inheritance... melting like a tiny novelty ice cube in the cocktail of my parents' retirement...' -

"I warned you not to argue with the captain."

"So did you folks have a nice vacation?"

Viking River Raids

'See you in two weeks!'

Excess Baggage: You never have to worry about finding your way around those of humongous new cruise ships.

'We are now passing through the Sicilian Triangle, otherwise known as 'The Drink','

Cutaway view of Ocean liner.

"Now there's serendipity for you: win a cruise for two, unsinkable jacuzzi included!"

"Ted, you're back! So, how was your Caribbean cruise?"

'You need to relax. Take this prescription to any cruise line agent.'

"How about a round the world ticket?"

'Look dear, there's no way you'd fit, er, get tossed through that porthole even WITHOUT your lifebelt on!'

Seagulls landing

'And you say you've been living here alone for years, My God! The ad said this would be a cruise of a lifetime!'

'My husband and I compromised. He could fish and I would go on a cruise.'

'But I just brought all this cruise wear!'

'Isn't this sea air so refreshing, Harold?'

Tui River Cruise

Excess Baggage: By the end of your cruise vacation, your clothes seem to have shrunk for no reason.

Skiing at Sea

Excess Baggage: By the end of your cruise vacation, your clothes seem to have shrunk for no reason.

"Well there's a surprise. For the tenth year running the first prize of a deluxe round-the-world cruise goes to the mayor."

"Did you get the Gundersons' pics of their Caribbean cruise?"

"Welcome to the staff! The compensation is generous and they have good benefits. They're cutting out our paid Bahamas cruise though, because too many employees never came back."

"Instead of migrating this winter, why don't we do a cruise?"

"He's agreed to take the cruise, but no damn bunnyhopping!"

"I got Bingo!"

"Drink Overboard!"

"Just when you thought every possible permutation of the cookery contest show had been exhausted here's Battlechefs. A cookery contest show on a ship!"

"I thought this one for the captain's table, and this one for when we get shipwrecked."

Excess Baggage: You never have to worry about finding your way around those humongous new cruise ships. Your stomach will lead you.