Cruise Traveler Gifts

"Tell them we only have romaine!"

"I told you when we booked this vacation that Valahalla is a luxury spacecraft not a place where dead Vikings go to party!"

New US restrictions against Cuba

Cutaway view of Ocean liner.

"The GPS works great, we have satellite TV installed, the Sirius stereo sounds fantastic and our every move is tracked by Qualcomm. But could you turn around? I left me iphone at the house. . ."

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Hold on, I'll get the camera.'

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

'Great cruise. When does the buffet open?'

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

"Legs together, David -- You're hamspreading again."

Vaccination Passport

'See you in two weeks!'

Remember, it's about the journey, not the destination. But sure, I'll keep an eye out for a rest area.

"You just had to book the economy cruise, didn't you?"

Excess Baggage: When you are on a cruise and they say the ship leaves at 5:30, they really mean the ship leaves at 5:30.

Lenin, Anticipating His Arrival at Finland Station, Sees His Baggage Taken Off at Beloostrov.

"I thought the travel agent said 40% off."

Excess Baggage: You never have to worry about finding your way around those humongous new cruise ships. Your stomach will lead you.

'Calm down...it's probably just another mirage.'

A white collar cow.

Billy strip: comic will make you sick.

The Desert Island Package

Cruise.

Skiing at Sea

When travelling with her cat by plane, train, or bus, dawn always ensured no one would bother them.

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

Rail travel - the environmental alternative (that sometimes doesn't allow bikes)

"Well, we've learned that passengers will mutiny if they are served meatloaf two days in a row... Even if you do call it the South Sea Surprise on the second day!"

'It always great to get away from it all.'

'The travel agent says there's nothing available on the port side. Do you want me to see if she's got anything on the sherry side?'

'The marvelous thing about a Singles cruise is, if you don't find an interesting man, you can drown your sorrows with interesting food.'